ok, so you're probably thinking that things couldn't get any worse right? WRONG!!!
THis afternoon I went to a GP at the med centre...I expecting a referral to a neurosurgeon...what I got was another slap in the face. She told me that there was nothing they can do for me (boy am I getting sick of hearing that!). She said surgery would be too much of a risk, not worth it etc.She reckoned the only thing a neurosurgeon could do would be to give me injections for the pain; but gave me a referral.
and then she dropped teh bobshell...SHe told me I should start considering a career change. WHen I heard that I couldn't believe it. NOT DO NURSING!!! WHAT THE HELL??? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???
when I came out I was balling my eyes out and luckily my friends were there when I came back to dorm. After a period of crying & yelling & blubbering, Sharona got straight on the phone on behalf of me. We rang numerous neurosurgeons....each time we got a negative answer "sorry, we don't deal with cases to do with compo...sorry we don't specialise in that area, bla bla". One possible one, but he charges $200 a consultation. So we got out the yellow pages & went on the net; then my mum rang & I gave her teh numbers....she was so mad I reckon she yelled at them....but she got me an appointment for 4 weeks time!
I faxed off various reports to the neurosurgeon and should get a notification back next week whether or not I need an MRI....if so, theres $200 gone, then the consultation another $200. I hate asking my parents for money...i hate feeling dependant on people, but I guess I have no choice.
Im feeling in more of a corner now than ever before....facing the probablilty taht I will have this pain for the rest of my life......but what sort of a life is taht? where I cant' get a job, can't do what I have always wanted.
But nonetheless, I need to try & stay positive, and leave it in God's hands.
Today has been one of the hardest of my life. After class this afternoon I went with a couple of friends to the Adventist Retirement village to hand in our applications for employment. We were taken in to see the DON (Director of Nursing) .
One of the questions on the form which I really didn't want to answer, but felt obligated to was asking if I have any condition which may affect my work. I simply put that I had back problems. Of course, she asked me about it..little did I know that she happened to be an expert in that field.
I told her about my car accident etc, how my physiotherapist & doctors have given up on me. SHe was disgusted. SHe couldn't believe that they would do nothing about my condidion & leave me in constant pain(for those of you who dont know..to cut a long story short- I was ina car accident 2 years ago..fractured vertebrae, and most importantly, bulging disks and a compressed sciatic nerve.)
SHe told me straight out that she wouldn't give me a job & that I wouldnt have a hope getting work anywhere until my problem is fixed. Because, technically, because anything from a fall to lifting something heavy could cause those already protruding disks into my spinal cord and I would be a paraplegic. So technically, I could sue the workplace if it happened there...so she is really covering herself & the corporation, and I don't blame her.
It was just such a slap in the face; and it finally actually dawned on me that I wont be employed as an RN when I graduate the way I am.
She told me taht I can't leave it any longer....its too serious a matter & that I have to find a good GP to get a referral to a Neurosurgeon in Sydney; get an MRI (which are more accurate thn CTscans) and have the surgery ASAP.
Im scared. Im scared taht (A) where on earth am I going to get the money for an operation? Im looking at a minimum of $5-10,000. and (B) If i have the surgery, not only are there great risks, but while I'm recovering flat on my back...how am I going to keep up with my schoolwork? How am I going to get around in a wheelchair???
I just don't know what to do. Im praying heaps, but at teh moment, Im in a very long tunnel and I can't see the light at the end.
Well now..... hmm...couple of unimportant yet significant things on my mind at the moment. They are as following:
1. my hair is now long anough to put in pigtails!!! How exciting is that???? Well I thought so anyway!!! Perhaps this moment is made even more momumentous by the fact that I have never ever had long hair- so when my friends conned me into growing it, it was a tad scary- especially when I have to look in the mirror each morning & see this massive hairball which is doing spastic curly stuff....but anyhow....
secondly, I would like to welcome my dear friend Sharona, (http://www.missthielogian.tbl...) who is a newcomer to blogging. She tends to generally have a lot to say about simply everything (as do I which is why we're such good friends!) so I thought it would be great if she could put down some of that liquid gold rambling down on paper!!
Thirdly....I GOT MY STETHOSCOPE TODAY!!!! How exciting!!! WEll actually I got it last night, very late, but I was so busy playing with it I didn't have the time to post a blog. Its very high quality, the same one that most doctors use, and it was $149 but we got it on sale for a bit over $70!!! How cool is that??? For the first time I can actually hear my heart (very loudly too!) as I couldn't on our dodgy 'learners' ones at avondale.
Hmmm....Im sure there was something else I had to say..... *thinking...thinking.....thinking.....
Ahh, yes, Kylie Anne just reminded me. I have a request for those of you coming back from holidaying: If its not too much trouble could you get me a sickbag off the plane/train/bus please???? (preferably empty!!! lol). You see, I collect sick bags....its been an obsession since I went to the Solomon Islands ion 1996.....sick obsession yes, but anywho.....mych more interesting than stamps thats for sure!!! So if you could post them/it to:
Kelly Adams Nurses residence 185 Fox Valley Road WAHROONGA..NSW..2076
that would be great! or if you're going to see me, just keep it safe until then..whatever. So thanks in advance...
Well, I have ahd a verry interesting weekend! For starters, After i had my big long whinge on Friday, I went back to my room & turned up my music & was talking rather loudly to Clover (because my neighbour Karina had gone away). Only the next day did I discover that someone actuually lives in the room the other side of me..whoops!!!
And since Sharons is so avonhome sick and now considers my room 'the caf' because we all congregate in there for meals & take over my heater & chair, I decided to make her feel more at home & stuck some 40 odd photos of Avondale on my door so when she walks past she can do the sounds whihc only she can make "ooooh, oh, oooooohhhh" !!!
SO I cleaned & ironed etc ready for Sabbath & at 7pm went with Kylie-Anne over to Fox valley church for some youth welcome first year nurses thing. Considering the size of the church there wasn't very many people there. WE did some get-to-know you stuff (met 3 people from Brisbane..wohoo!!) & watched the video 'pay it forward' which made all us girls cry, and I was very moved by the whole concept of it.
On my way back to dorm, met up with Clover, who had hit her head, and was acting very strangely...so we went around campus together acting strangely together, then decided to go to bed.
Saturday: Went to the youth lesson in the SAH conference room at 10am, only 8 ppl there, played an amusing (though how sabbathy?) game of Playdoh. went to church, everyone was very friendly, saw Dave and someone I know from Toowoomba, the people are very clicky there, but I guess, thats the case wherever you go, even avonjail. Music was awesome, Sermon very good, went for over an hour, and then free lunch! Decided to make that the main meal of my week..sure beats cooking for yorself!
Met lots of new people, and got invited over to Alicia's house. (get this right, she is 29 and EXACTLY like me!!! in personality, hobbies, everything! How scary is that??? She's a nurse too, btw) Had a great afternoon with 9 other ppl, all nurses, talking about stuff whihc only nurses talk about, and lots of Sabbath topics. Ordered in tea, and came back to the res with my neighbour (the one I didn't know I had). Studied for a while, then went to bed at 11.
Woke up this morning, no longer as stressed as Friday, just chillin, trying to make the best of things. Am anticipating the arrival of my Stethoscope!!!
well, I need to go & study, Have an awesome day all!
*Lets out HUGE frustrated scream* Far out!!! I cannot believe this! So much for semester 2 being easier than 1! Yeah right! I just want to cry right now, and I know that its only the first week, but just looking at all my assessment items makes me feel ill. Usually, I don't get this stressed out about work or assignements, but if you could see the due date of them all, you would feel like crying too!!!
Today I got told taht My Tutorial presentation for Primary Healthcare is due on friday......which is like ONE WEEK from now....and its 50 minutes, on a topic which I know nothing about. To make things worse, I have ANOTHER 50 minute tut on the monday, also on a topic I know nothing about! Which gives me a little over a week to come up with 100 minutes of talking time PLUS 2,500 words!
I can't believe taht lecturers are so unorginal taht every time they give out assessment task due dates based on Last Names. So being Adams, the first in the class, every single time my assignemnts, pracs, clinicals & tut's are due FIRST!!! Is this unfair or what??? Everyone in the class was giving me their condolonces today, because for most of them, their assessments arent due for months!
I am just feeling so jolly overwhelmed rightnow! I dont even see how I will get the time to work!!! I don't know what to do. Nursing is definitely what I want to do, but I don't know how long I can hang in there...
One guy, Adrian in my class has been working every day straight asfter class as a wardsman doing 8 hour shifts, and he is seriously killing himself. I don't know how he will keep it up, as well as fit it in with our impossible class schedule.
they expect us to do 8 hours of study per subject a week x 5= 40 hours!! What sort of a super-person could do that??? We're in class from 8 till 5 every day, which leaves 5 hours a night, so if I raced back from class, had no tea, did no washing, had no shower, didn't go jogging, and studied the entire time, even then, it would't be enough!!!
In Physics alone, in 2 minutes we covered the entire content which my friend yolanda did in year 12 in 2 weeks!
I really feel as though we've been thrown in the deep end here...13 assessment items due in the next month or so. I know now why we have so many 2nd year nursing students in our class who have failed & have to repeat. And no wonder there is absolutely NO social life here...its because everyone's in their rooms KILLING THEMSELVES STUDYING!!!
Now don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of study, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and the amount expected here, is just beyond a joke.
And if anyone DARES tell me that nursing is an easy course, i will explode! They can come here & see just how easy it is then. Don't say things which you have absolutely no idea about.
Anyhow, thats my whinge for the day...sorry all! It just had to be said :) Have a great Weekend everyone!!!
The 2 most exciting things that happened to me today...
What a day!!! Well I could say that the most exciting thing to happened to me today was the 4 hour medical physics lecture...or the 2 hour lecture on catheters & enemas.....but I wont...mostly because that would be lying, and yeah well, lying is bad, so......
Well the first EXCITING thing that happened today was that I HAD A BATH!!! OK, most of you are probably like 'big deal, i have one every day" but for me; this is a HUGE deal! In fact, I can't even remeber the last time I had a bath....actually, yes I can...it was the day of my year 12 formal....I'd just had my hair done Therefore couldn't have a shower hence had a very shallow bath. Back home we are on such tight water restrictions that baths are out, short showers are the only way to go; and at Avonjail there were no baths; so when I arrived at the SAH I was nothing short of estatic when I made the discovery! (and the showers here are sooo dodgy its not a laughing matter). Anyhow, this morning was my first chance to test one out. I got up an hour early to gain the maximum benefit, filled the bathtub as full as is humanly possible and OH!!!! what a feeling (sorry Toyota...couldn't help myself!) and theres not turning back!!!So yes......thats the end of number one.
Number 2- At the end of my second? physics lecture someeone said to Sharona & I "someones here to see you" and we were like "huh"? "who would come to see us?" thinking we were like in trouble or something...anyhow, to our utter amazement we walked into the common room and who was there but CASEY WALKER himself...in the flesh!!!! What an awesome surprise!!! He dropped in for a visit on his way to the airport to go to The one & only, awesome place of QLD. And then someone got all emotional (it wasnt me!...for a change! )because it reminded them of how much they missed Jail; but we only got to spend 10 min with casey at that time because we had a nother lecture, then a 10 minute break where we saw him then another lecture etc. HE came with us to the RES and we had such a NUTRITIOUS lunch of biscuits & bread & juice!!! lol...thats our cooking for ya......anyhow, we had a bit of a whinge to him saying all the things here that we don't like and he was like 'yeah, I already knew that' which was sooo understanding!!! lol...nahh, he was great & very patient with our constant babbling. The dear even promised to bring me back a sickbag from the plane! That alone will keep him in my good books for at least the next 37.28896 years! So Casey, in case you're reading this- thanks for dropping by & making our day!!!
And as They say in the tv show 'Madeleine"... "Though you may say ENCORE!...thats all there is..there isn't any more"
WELL!!! I have so much stuff going on in my head right now & I just don't know if it will come out logically. A couple of the girls here asked me to go shopping with them, buit I said no (imagine that! ME turning down shopping!) becuase I just want to put down my mood in writing.
Well, for those of you who don't know me, I am a nursing student, just starting my second Semester at Wahroonga in Sydney. The transition from my previous campus an hour away was difficult because I had made so many dear friends there.
This Semester is my 'turning over a new leaf time'. I want to change everything about my life, from my relationship with God, to doing more study, to trying to change my attitudes & be a genuinelly nicer, more understanding & positive person.
So anyhow, I had a mental image in my mind of what this campus was going to be like. ANd most of taht was negative. Fortunately, I have never been more pleasantly surprised in my life, becasue it is WONDERFUL here!!! The rooms are actually better, I find than the ones in Jail. THey are smaller, in a way, but they have heaps of storage space & very high ceilings. THe desk is at least 3 times the size of my previous. THe view from my room overlooks the maternity section; and some people here joke about the occasional woman going into labour on the front lawn!!
The whole atmosphere here is great, like even though most of the people you see are people working in the hospital, its just great, and I finally feel like I have found where I belong.
Luckily, I got my request and am next to all my best friends' rooms, so we no longer have to run up the other end of the hallway just to say hello. A drawback is, however, that I can no longer play my music loud at night/early morning when I am studying or Karina may get a tad cranky, due to the walls being very thin!
My room is an absolute mess at the moment! My Dad and I came down yesrterday morning & I moved in, and I alraeady had 13 boxes & a fridge waiting herer in storage, PLUS I had the car loaded up with more stuff- now the question is where to put it all. So everytime I go into my room, I feel a tad overwhelmed at the huge job ahead of me.
We had orientation today, and saw our new classroom (yes, we only have 1) and our huge, now even BIGGER class of 56 or so struggles to fit in! We had to fill out piles of paperwork & get our security passes. Our timetables seem to be very clinical based, unlike last semester, where it was mostly theory, with science making up a big part of that. WE only have 1 science subject now, physics. For the first 4 weeks our timetable is pretty hectic with classes from 8 to 4 & 5 every day, but after taht it settles down a tad, with classes starting at 9am instead, which is great!
Work seems to be a good option here, apparently they have had trouble finding people to fill in shifts so have had to get students in from nearby universities. WEekend pay is great, and we can start as early as next Tuesday if we so wish. I would like to work as an AIN, the only trouble is finding the time, becuase you can't really work a couple of hours here & there..it s like 6-8 hours here & there or nothing. Perhaps if I settle down & do enough study throughout teh week I can work on weekends or something, although I am still getting used to the idea of working on Sabbath.
You do get some great privileges here thoug....like if you work for the hosital & need to see a doctor you can bulk bill, and get discounts on prescriptions etc. We also have access to all the sporting facilities & get invited to hospital functions & fundraisers.
The weather here, though is ....eerrgh... horrible! Im hoping its like a one off thing..I have never seen wind so strong & its absolutely freezing. We had a class photo in uniform taken today & we had to stand still for liek 10 seconds & when we could go everyone raced over & put on their jumpers & beanies & raced inside!
I still havent explored very much though...usually I like to go & sus everything out pretty well in the first day, but I simply haven't had time. I probably could be doing it now I suppose....ahh well ;) We did have quite a fun time going up & down & up & down in the elevator for all 12 floors trying to find the caf tho!
hmm....I could say a lot more, but I need to stop procrastinating & clean my room & get organised for classes tomorrow!
(BTW...sorry about the bad spelling, but the computers & keyboard here are dodgy as.....one just started spitting out sparks & nearly electrocuted Yo Yo !)
So where was I?? Oh yes...Dads. Aren't they the greatest??? Going back to the SAH was freaking me out because I was going to fly, and I've never flown on my own before. When my Dad heard about this, oh he was so cute, he rang me up and just casually asked about my travel plans. I told him and he just goes "so you're scared aren't you"? and i admitted that, so he asked "so what if someone happened to drive you"? and I said "come one Dad, who would drive me? All the college students will still be on holidays" and he said "well, what if I drove you..then you'd have your personal chaeuffer & someone to help set up your room". SO I got all excited & emotional, thinking that he would do that for me. Now my Dad ( or anyone in my family for taht matter) is not the emotional or 'huggy' kind, and his way of showing that he loves you is by doing stuff for you, in a practical way. So when he offered to do this, I was so moved. He even is going to take a day off work (which is very hard for him to do) so we can spend more time together!!! oohhhhhh, makes you go all warm & fuzzy inside doesn't it???!!! :D
WARNING!!! The following information is veeryy confusing and should only be viewed by those with sta
hmmm.....I woke up today & couldn't believe that its Thursday already! That means that theres only 3 days till my holidays end and I move into my new home!!! far out time flies when you're doing nothing! If you asked me what major thing I had accomplished since being home, I couldn't tell you...don't get me wrong, i have done stuff, I haven't bummed around the entire time, but still, I feel as though I haven't acccomplished much. But then again, thats supposed to be the main idea of holidays...is to have a holiday and not do much at all.
SO, in one way, I have accomplished what I set out to do....well not what I set out to do, but what the editors of the dictionary set out to do...in setting a definition to guide poor souls who didn't know what 'holiday' meant; so if I have done what they wanted me to do, have I done what I wanted to do??? oi oi oi.....now I am just confusing myself & making absolutely no sense...perhaps I should have stuck with Mandarin!!! lol
Our Pastor visited today and asked me if I was looking forward to the big move..and I didn't know what to say. Im kinda sitting on the fence, because as my moods change, so does how I feel about it. Like Leaving Avondale was much harder for me than leaving home was! I don't know how to explain it, but Avonjail just felt like 'home' to me. ANd i was getting excited about moving to teh hospital ..untl the residence directors visited....they weren't the nicest people in the world, and made the SAH sound terrible.....like having shoebox rooms (as Ansell calls them) is bad enough, without finding out that you can only have one thing in your room plugged in at a time or you'll apparently cause a shortout, or the fact that there are 4 computers with internet access, for over 200 people to use, or taht the water pressure is terrible on the 4th floor, or that there are no worshipsduring the week except Friday Night, or that the rooms aren't heated, or taht you have to cook your own meals, or that you have to wear covered in shoes to class!!!
So when they told us that, it kinda put a damper on my enthusiasm! But im sure its not that bad...but if I go there thinking taht its gonna be an absolute dump and it turns out to be true, then I won't be disappointed! As pessimistic as that may sound!
One small comfort is the fact that I might visit Jail...My friend Sharona is keeping her job at the Bong and wants me to come up with her every fortnight...and as fun as that sounds, I am unsure whether I will or not. For those of you who go ti Avondale, you will know that on weekends its every man for himself, and everyone just goes into their little clicky groups & disappears. Or I could just do what I did when I lived there & read a book on the lawn all afternoon. But visiting is never the same as actually living there. But anyway....
At least I know I passed all my subjects (whew!) so that in itself, it a relief. There would be nothing more embarassing than having to redo a subject, simply because you were too lazy to do it well in the first place.
and I'm sad that I have to leave so soon becuase 3 of my dear friends are getting baptised in bris this weekend, and its Brendans 21st, and I can't go to any! If only they'd been last weekend. I would love to go, but we're cutting time short as it is....leaving straight after church on Sabbath, staying in a motel, then driving the rest Sunday morning, and I want to get there as early as possible so I can set up my room, get financial clearance & go sight-seeing with my Dad...but wait..I'm getting into my next blog post....
Now I've been known to like some pretty strange things, well I don't see them as strange, but other people do...one example of this is a song off playschool entitled 'the ning nang nong', and it goes something like this:
"IN THE NING NANG NONG WHERE THE COWS GO BONG AND THE MONKEYS ALL SAY BOO; IN TEH NING NANG NONG WHERE THE TREES GO PING AND THE TEA POTS JIBBER JABBER JOO; YES ITS THE NING NANG NING NANG NING NANG NONG; THE NING NANG NING NANG NONG"
Now in my humble opinion, I reckon that this song is a classic; true, it may not make too much sense (though i'm sure if you looked hard enough, some life lessons could be found). And yet, theres not a lot of people who see it this way, theres probably only about 2 other people whom i've found to share this passion!!! Is there anyone else out there who likes it??? I would love to hear from you...us rare species must stick together!! lol Also, all you who LOATHE this song, please feel free to give your humble opinion; hopefully you won't be howled down too much!! ;)
Tonight I went with mum over to my dads house to see how he was going with fixing my sisters car (it’s a FORD…what more can I say??!!) and for an hour and a half I sat outside in the freezing cold watching him tinker with the engine thinking how unfortunate I was…I could be at home in the warm reading, or watching TV or playing the piano, but instead was stuck here, with my back killing me, freezing to death, bored out of my brain. I ended up sitting in mums car reading the road maps… and suddenly it dawned on me: just how selfish, ungrateful and self-centered I was being. That instead of me thinking I was the unlucky one, I was instead the lucky one. I was lucky that we even own cars…not one, but 4….how many poor people in the world can boast that? How many people are stuck out in the freezing cold with no warm clothing? How many people don’t even have a home to go home to? How many people don’t have a loving family? How many people wish that they could WALK around being bored, but are stuck in a wheel chair? How many people can simply look up at the stars and admire their profound beauty without city lights obstructing the view?? How many people wish that they could walk around their own backyard without fear of being shot or harassed?
Last Saturday night as we were leaving Queen street mall in Brisbane, within a space of 500m I saw 4 homeless men, scrounging through the garbage bins, hungrily eating the scraps and collecting as many Hungry Jacks free meal vouchers as they could. Being in Australia we like to think that these sorts of things don’t happen…but they do.
I have been known to switch the television channel when ads for World Vision, ICF and other humanitarian organizations come on…simply because I feel so guilty that I have so much and millions have so little, that I feel physically sick. I find that the easiest way of dealing with it is to try to forget it…block it out of my mind…but how ethical is this??
Since I was very young, I have wanted to be a nurse and work in third world countries, helping these people. But until then, until I graduate in 2006, I will feel bad, like I could and should be doing more….more door-knock appeals, more praying, more fundraising, more sacrificing...more something!!! Didn’t Jesus say in the Bible “Whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did it for me” ???
Does anyone else ever feel like this?? I would love to hear your opinions on the topic and how you deal with it.
