arrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! !!!!!!

life is sooooo crazy!!! I don't even have the time to tell you how crazy & busy it is!!! (although I did have a break from study tonight & went with the boys to watch them play basketball)!

but yes....busy busy busy.......my life consists of study, assignments, preparation for exams in 2 WEEKS!!!, tests, dr's app's, neurosurgeon app's etc etc etc.......

ooohhh....I had my discogram yesterday- no where near as painful as teh last one, but still painful. Woke up this morning in agony, but its pretty good now. I even got given 2 bunches of FLOWERS and a card..oohhhhh :)

prayer group was in my room last nite & the boys werea llowed to come down, which was kind of an incentive to actually clean my room & vacuum the floor for a change!!! The boys thought it was sooo clean, and Sharona & I were like "yeah, it looks like this allll the time!" lol

and I suppose you've all heard through teh grapevine taht I won a $20,000 Nursing scholarship through RCNA- exciting hey!!???

anywho, need to go & finish an assignment so I can start on the next 3 tomorrow.yay.

night night

mmm...what a day!!!

Well, I knew it was going to be painful...just not this painful!!!

Our day, the day of my discogram started off at 7.40 when we caught the train to Turramurra & got caught in peak hour with all the lovely highschoolers (oi oi oi...just to think I was just like taht less than a year ago!! lol)

anyway, we switched trains and went to Paramatta & Westmead station. Got a little lost trying to find the private hospital, but found it in teh end and were outside videoing and this lady comes out and demands to know what we're doing!!! lol.thought we were terroists or something. I explained taht we were making a video diary of the leadup to and after my surgery for my parents and class & then she relaxed a little. So we were early as we got there at 10am and teh app wasn't until 10.30, but time flew, as it always does when you're dreading the unwanted. We were ushered into radiology by a nice man named Chris and I got changed into my oh so flattering hospital gown!!!

he explained teh whole procedure to me and made sure i was prepared. then they took me into the CT scanning room and put me on teh bed face down. Shaz came in with me for moral support and boy was I glad she was there! THe doctor eventually arrived and they were putting grids on my back and stuff and I couldn't actually see what was going on most of the time. I had a local anaesthetic put in my back, but it was only skin deep so I couldn't feel the needle in my skin- pointless really cause I could feel it in my L5/S1 disc!

They kept doing CT scans every couple of minutes and then coming back in and readjusting teh needles. When he finally got it right and started injecting teh contrast media, boy did I know it! I can't explain the extent of the pain very well, only to say taht I have never ever felt anything like it! It felt as thogh I had been shot by a gun in the back, and when he hit my spinal nerves (whoops!) I got an electric shock down my left leg. I was absolutely screaming my head off and crying and just yelling for them to stop. THe poor people's hands who i was holding were absolutely mashed!!! I feel sorry for my poor husband when I go into labour!!! lol!

I was having spasms in my back and so I was moving around jerking on teh bed and they had to hold me down and they had to inject the media twice and I just couldn't handle it anymore. When all the people (1 doctor, 2 radiologists, a nurse, sharona and an intern) were scanning I could see them behind the glass with tears straming down my face and I just wanted to tell them to stop so I could die. Seriously, tahts how much it hurt- i wanted to be put out of my misery. even when it was all over it was hurting so mush I could hardly breathe, and the air was coming in short gasps, and inbetween that and crying, i was nearly choking. I said to the radiologist- "make it stop hurting, PLEASE make it stop hurting".

THen they had to roll me onto a stretcher and take me to a rest area. I saw Sharona and she was crying as much as I was! She is such a sweetie! THen Yoie came and they were making me laugh which really hurt and we were filming it and they bought me chocolate!!! Then I was given antibiotics through an IV (and the radiologist gave me a whole roll of Micropore!!) and after more rest I got changed (and was allowed to take the hospital gown!) then we went home with yoie to the SAH and I dosed up on painkillers and they put me to bed.

I had so many visitors and phone calls which was great, adn I slept till 5 thgen slowly got up and went for a sllooowww grandma walk. I'm feeling a lot better now. I still can't bend, or walk very fast, but tahts cool. I'm just glad its over & hope I don't need to go back for a 2nd one!! noooooooo!!!!

I just wanna thank my friends for going with me, and all those who were praying for me: its truly Appreciated! I love you guys!!!

I'm off to bed now, so hopefully I'm well enough to go to class. Have a great nite everyone!!!!

:)

welll......Friday night and Saturday weren't as boring as I originally thought. I ended getting convinced to go to Amy's 20th party which was heaps of fun. I just got to hang out with the 2nd and 3rd years more than I usually do, so it was cool. Got back earlyish to the Res, so Clover and I went to Adrians room and hung out till 1.30ish.

Saturday morning I was planning to sleep in, but I decided to go to the Doug bachelor thing at the Olympic stadium in Homebush. I'm so glad I decided to go...it was awesome. Some estimates have it at 8,000 people there! the place was pretty much packed. The closing hymn was "how great Thou Art'- and oh my goodness, it was so powerful. Being surrounded by thousands of people all singing that was teh most amazing experience! and I even saw 2 people who used to live in Stanthorpe!!!

One of our lecturers Jimmy Jays drove us home in the SAH bus, and we had quite an experience 'chasing' some uteload of boys!!! lol

Just got back in time to grab a salada for lunch and race down to the Fac of Nursing where we met the Avonjailians!!! I was soo excited to see them!!! I got to go on teh avondale bus, and teh SAH bus followed. We went to Palm beach and sat on the steps with Taylor playing his guitar & singing and generally just hanging out. It was great to have company.

Then we couldn't see where the nurses had gone,so we left to go to Manly beach to close SAbbath. Yami and Maddy etc turned up & sang. We sat on the beach with candles and sang to close Sabbath- it was beautiful! then we went and had tea and wandered down to teh Ferry place & booked our tickets. Some amusing photos were taken regarding 'manly'!!! lol . THe ferry ride was great, and I got to talk to Taylor's Mum who joked around about my operation and gave me her condolances!! We walked to the Opera house and hung around and got drinks and got into the conversation of 'our perfect man' and I decided taht if I'm 30 and unmarried I'm marrying Taylor!!! (and no, he has no say in the matter..lol!)

it was freezing at teh opera house, so when teh bus arrived i was highly thankful! We got dropped off at the SAN and set teh boys up in the loungeroom for the night. Went to bed around 1ish.

Sunday morning was up at 7am with Becky and we went and harassed SharonA to get out of bed! Had brekky with Taylor & Casey in the Foyer at 8.30, casey wasn't feeling well so I booked him into the Doctor (and i just found out tonight taht he has teh chicken pox! lucky i've had my vaccinations).

We all had showers and started setting up in teh rec room. People arrived just before lunchtime. It was the most awesome feeling having all our friends at our 'home'! we even got to give some of them the grand tour, and taht was very cool. generally just spent teh day hanging out eating, watching movies, playing MONOPOLY!!! (bwa ha ha- for the 1st time in my life i WON!!!)and yeah. Good old Taylor was in teh kitchen cooking so we didn't have to lift a finger!!! :)

sadly they left around 7ish?? and we were all mightily sad when they left :( I hope they had a reasonably good time though, I know I did! We're hoping to make the visit a once a term thing, beacuse we are determined to npt lose contact with all our dear friends, as others before us have done.

we cleaned up the room and took the rest of teh stuff back to our rooms. By then it was only 10pm and Adrian had invited us to go watch movies in his room so I went over there but ended up talking To Ashley in teh corridor for like 3 hours!!! Poor Leith who had to do his assignment had us yabbering on outside his door all night!!! We had numerous guest appearances by people such as Clover who was screaming 'ahhh..i have ice-cream in my hair!!' and Martin, who is my best friends cousin, and Bryce etc, so we all had a good old chat! The boys dorm is so much more fun than ours!!! I nearly fell asleep in the corridor under leiths blanket, so decided taht I needed to go to bed.

THis morning I got up at 8.25 and raced to teh shower, raced to class and just made it in time! i lent my heat pack to Drene, Our chaplain who is having back problems, so I needed medication to keep me sane. My GP prescribed mt Panadeine Forte which usually has no affect on me. However, I took it in class this morning, and 1/2 an hour later I was going dizzy and couldn't read teh writing on the board!!! I was sooo out of it, and couldn't keep my eyes open. In classes after lunch I would be falling asleep while someone was talking to me, and I don't remeber a lot, but Clover and Karina had to bring me home because I couldn't walk properly. I slept for 3 hours, and now I'm fine. It was teh wierdest feeling though! I couldn't even talk coherently. I think taht because my body hasn't had strong painkillers for such a long time, that its just like gone into shock mode! At least I know that they will work on Thursday when i get my discogram!!!

Tonight my Dad rang me and we were discussing him getting a job down here....it would be pretty cool I think to have him down here- either at Avondale or teh SAH- I guess in some ways it would be annoying (eg- no more sneaking into boys dorm!!) but still cool. I was begging him to fly down for my operation, cause I would love my whole family to be here. My Mum is flying down for it, which is really cool, and now Dad is considering driving down just for the weekend. Im sooo happy!!! It will be the greatest b'day present- getting to see my family!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)

Anyhow, due to my nap this arvo, i am really awake, but I need to go to bed cause I have lots of classes tomorrow.

Goodnite all, sleep tite :)

*sigh*

Well its Friday arvo, and every one has gone away for the weekend :(

actually, its not that bad, cause clover and adrian are here, its just boring- nothing to do. NO friday night program. I don't even feeli like going to church tomorrow ( i know tahts evil, but I don't particularly like church down here).

I have spent the arvo cleaning & washing up & generally getting ready for the weekend. CLover has gone shopping, and I was just wondering what adrian was up to, and i'm talking to him now on msn and he reckons he sent me an sms an hour ago- which i never got. Anywho....

Im kinda excited about everyone coming on sunday to visit, but im nervous that everyone will either be really bored, or hungry etc. i really shouldn't stress, but you know what girls are like- we worry about the most insignificant little things!

so what else has happened? hmmm.....not a great deal really...class is same old, same old- i must admit, I have been mucking up in class lately. I have not done an ounce of listening all week, which is really bad, but if i don't keep myself distracted somehow, i focus on my back pain, whereas if i'm writing notes to ppl and talking, it helps take my mind off things, not that its really an excuse.

I went to my dumb GP this morning. The one who told me to change careers. She was like 'oh, i hear you're having surgery" and i was like 'yes, funny taht'. and she said 'you know taht surgeons ahrdly ever consider ppl for surgery- so your problem must be really bad" and I felt like jumping up and over the desk and ripping her hair out. She upset me so much last time i went to see her- telling me taht no-one could do anything for me & to change careers- stupid old bag. Anyhow, she was nice after that and gave me a prescription for some heavy duty pain killers for my discogream next week.

anywho.......mmmmm........what  else? I bought a potplant yesterday from Horsnby. Beautiful flowers, and i bought SharonA one as well to congratulate her on getting her L's.....i would love it if it was still flowering on the 5th november so i can take it into hospital with me, but I doubt taht's gonna happen!!! lol

oh yes- the reunion last weekend was pretty good. A little clicky, but still good. On strict instruction from my neurosurgeon I wasn't allowed to do anything evern remotely strenuous, so I had to sit and watch the activities. I am pining for the day when I can return to my normal active self again!!!

on the way home, something devestating happened....we stopped at 'nurses rd' to take a photo, and Jimbo (my stolen garden gnome) fell out of the car and broke into a million pieces!!! we were, naturally, devestated, but CLover got out her super glue, and he's now in one piece in my room- lookng a little under the weather, but nonetheless good.

and i think tahts all..................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

yep. See most of you either tomorrow night or on Sunday

have a great weekend!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

do you realise just how awesome our God is??? I can't believe how little faith I had in Him, and now I just blown away by HIs awesome answer to prayer!!!

Well, I went to the neurosurgeon, scared as, and it ended up costing $300, and I was like "great, what else can go wrong" sortof thing, and when I went into Dr Kam's office the first thing he said to me was "what on earth is an 18 y.o doing in my office with such a horrifc injury"? I basically explained everything tahts happened, and he was very empathetic, and I was like "ive tried EVERYTHING else. My whole career depends on what you do today" and he looked at teh MRI's and said "you have 3 options" they were- discectomy, laminectomy or a brand new surgery type. I said "what are my other options?" and he said "there are none" .

He was apprehensive about operating on someone so young, as I'm going to have the surgery re-done every 20-30 years, but there's no way around it. He cancelled out the first 2 options because they only get rid of leg pain, not back pain, even though they are minimally invasive. The 3rd option is what was decided on & this is what will happen:

Because 2 discs were bulging/herniated etc, he can't tell which one, or if both are causing the pain. so I have to have a "needle test" where they stick a needle into both of the lumbar disks, and inject dye to see which one produces identical pain to what I have everyday. Apparently its quite excruciating, but they need to know. Then once they know, THey will operate in 8 weeks, on the 5th november (1 weeks before my b'day!!!). They go in through my stomach, and take out 2 of my disks, and replace them with fake ones, and fuse a metal plate in there somewhere. Exciting hey??? I will be in WEstmead hospital for 3-5 days, and recovery time is 3-6 weeks which i spend doing nothing except walking around. Then I can go home for 2 weeks, and then do my clinical in January.

I am soo happy! When I came out of the office, and yoie, shaz & clover & I got to the elevators, they were like "can you stay in nursing" and i was like "yes" and they went syco, hugging me, and crying. It was the best moment of my life!!!

So, Kelly Joy ADams, after 2 loong years, will finally be able to return to a normal, active life- PAIN FREE!!!! wooohhoooooooooo!!!!!

THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!

Prayer is so awesome, cause there were so many people praying for me, and thgis result is better than I could have ever imagined!!! I don't even have to pay for the surgery cause its going to be done public, but I have been bumped up on the HUGE waiting list!!!(and i have an excuse to take it easy for at least 15 weeks). I don't have to miss out on a single class, and can recover in my holidays!!! OOOh, im sooo happy!!!! I have never felt so happy in all my life!!! I woke up this morning after a wonderful sleep, and just started singing & couldn't stop smiling!!!!

oh wow- i love you God!!!!

and now we're going to our nursing retreat!!! WOHHOOOOO!!!!!

Have the most awesome weekend everyone!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)

well, this is it. Today is september the 2nd- the day that I have been  anticipating, yet dreading for over a month.

So how am I feeling? well yesterday I did everything humanly possible to keep myself busy, so i didn't have to think about it. I had stayed up until 3am that morning finishing my assignment, so was tired from that, had a full day of classes, then drove up to Avondale (shocking traffic on the F3!)with Shaz, Yoie & KA. Had a great time there, (although it does get a little tiring when people ask you for the 476,988th time "are you here AGAIN??? just leave already!")

The music at Festival of faith was awesome- i really miss having music down here. The speaker was ok as well. After taht I socialised for a while then went to teh library with Yoie & got out a ton of books on law. Went back to watson & hung out there planning next weekends menu with Taylor & Casey- those guys are such champs. Not many guys I know would get so involved in a task of this size & nature, so I commend them for that.

THen we drove home & arrived about 11:15pm & I fell into bed exhausted, nonethless, I did not sleep very well. I had more nightmares & tossed & turned teh whole time & woke up at 6.30am.

and now we're back to today.

Im sorry for going on & on like this, but I need to talk about it, even though i dont know exactly what im feeling. This is by far the biggest thing taht has ever happened to me, and i'm having quite a hard time with it.

I have a huge list of 40 questions all typed up to ask the neurosurgeon. I have three of my best friends coming with me for moral support. I have both my Mum & dad on standby at work so I can talk to them at a moments notice in case I have to make a big decision in the office today.

and i am scared.

really, really, really scared. The past couple of weeks I have been going over & over in my mind, all the possible answers the surgeon would have for me, and the vast majority of them are bad. If he says he can't operate bacause its too risky on someone so young, I will have to quit nursing. If he can operate, I will have to take time off to be able to afford for the operation & recover. Four little words from him "you can't do clinical" will mean that I fail my course. Either way- im screwed. I feel so bad about being negative, and I hate to say it, but this past month i have been a HORRIBLE person. especially to my friends & parents. I have the hugest mood swings where I'll be fine & happy in class, the next minute I'll be crying. And i snap at my friends a lot & am really nasty, and I hate that. None if this is their fault. Its just so hard having no-one on earth who understands what im going through & feeling right now. My dream, my career, my whole life is on the line, and if I walk out of Dr Kams' office this afternoon with a bad result, I honestly don't know what I will do.

5 hours 45 minutes to go. and my heat pack is broken so my back is in agony right now. I haven't talked to a single person this morning other than 'good morning' to various people. I want to be alone right now, but at the same time I want people hugging me & telling me that everything is going to be ok. It does help a lot though, to know that tons of people are praying for me. Our prayer group on Tuesday nights is so powerful. We spend almost 2 hours earnestly praying for each other & friends of ours taht are going through a tough time. and we have had so many visible answers already- its amazing.

Well i should probably go & do something constructive & distractive like assignments. I just want to finish off with a quote by abraham lincoln taht I got sent today :